It’s that time again for another episode of “Red Lipstick Chronicles, Tips From The Lips of Successful Entrepreneurs Podcast….
Learn how to Expand You, Your Business and Your Profits!!
Episode 6 of Season 3: Life After Infidelity In A Marriage “Growing Beyond The Pain”
Host & Founder: Shaniece M. Wise – Business Expansion Coach & Strategist
Guest: Tray Kearney
Tray is an author, speaker and Certified Life Coach. In her Coaching Business, she helps people heal from the trauma of infidelity.
Let’s dive into Tray’s interview.
I have discovered that the main reason why people cheat is immaturity. I got married very young. I was married to a man who was trying to do all of the right things. He was successful in his career, making money, and taking very good care of home. He was doing his best to do all of the things that he had been taught that a man was supposed to do, but he was a workaholic. He never had time for family, and I have since learned that my love language is time. He was able to give me everything that I wanted except time.
It was not long before I had an affair. I left my husband and he left his wife so that we could be together. It was not long before I was left devastated because the man, I left my husband for was soon cheating on me. What hurt more than the fact that he was cheating on me, was the fact that I now knew exactly what that pain felt like. I had to come to the realization that I had caused that same pain in some other woman’s life.
Many people are not able to share their story because they are still in it. Other times they just do not know that they need help. I am able to share my story because I want other people to know that they are not the only one going through it. They are not alone. Many people have asked me if I had any regrets in life, and I have to honestly say no. Had I not been where I was, I would not have known the results, or learn how the trauma of how infidelity impacts not only the man and the women, but the children involved.
Many of the things that we do as adults manifest out of our childhood experiences. In my own life, I had a stepfather who loved me very much. He was very much involved in my life from the age of nine until he passed away. Him and my mother were never married. He was still married to another women, and my mother was the side chick. My mother battled with alcoholism. My mother lost her mother at the age of 15 and lived with a father who paraded a number of women in and out of their household, many of them not much older than she was. She had become a product of what she saw. When my step father passed away, his wife came and took everything that was legally hers. My mother was left with nothing.
We do not realize that we are taking our children along on this journey, and our actions impact not only our lives but theirs as well. Our children will either follow in our footsteps or become drastic opposites. This became very evident to me after having a heart to heart talk with one of my sons. While we were talking about relationships and his views on women having lived through my infidelity with his father, his response was, “watching you as I was growing up made me not want a woman like you.”
After working with my life coach, I had my “Aha” moment. God had given me a gift and expected me to use to live an abundant life. That is when Tray Kearney Consulting and Coaching evolved. I became a support person to people working through the trauma of infidelity. I was able to use the negative aspects of my life to bless others. I was all set to write my first book. It was going to be a fiction book about two couples “who leave each other for each other” but God said, NO! Write something that heals. That is how my two books came about.
Today I would like to leave you with my Five Steps To Grow Beyond the Pain:
1. Get some help. Hire a coach or therapist. Learn how to face your truth and find clarity within.
2. Forgive. Forgive not only the others involved, but yourself as well.
3. Be accountable for your choices.
4. Always be honest with yourself. Truth plus transparency equals healing.
5. Take back your power. Have authority over your own life.
Above all else, guard your heart, because everything else you do flows through it. Do not base your success on how much money you have in the bank. Do not compare yourself to others. Your success is determined by your outcomes. What does what you do mean to you? You can become stuck when you are too busy focusing on everyone else around you.
Also, make sure that you invest in a coach. Develop your gift and turn it into a business. Stop giving away intellectual property for free. Learn to identify billable moments. A few of my streams of income include my book, my 1:1 and group coaching, and my speaking engagements. I began to branch out into many different businesses once I learned how not to be afraid to ask for money.
You will have to learn to walk to walk away from free speaking engagements, if they are not going to be profitable in the long run. I am only a vendor if I can speak on the stage. Do not waste your time vending where the audience has not had the opportunity to experience you. Your gift is meant to put you in front of great people. When you speak for free, you are only making it harder for those of us who charge.
Always remember: You are not your biggest mistake; you are your better choices.
Tray Kearney can be found on all social media platforms under her name.
Email Tray and receive her book, “It’s Healing Time”, for listening to this episode.
Books by Tray: It’s Healing Time Restoring Hope In Women After Infidelity” and “It’s Healing Time Men Hurt Too”.
Website is www.TrayKearney.Com
Email address: Tray@TrayKearney.com
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